I still remember the first time I cried deep from my heart. The place I was in was cold and dark, the air musty and the floor damp. There was a small window in the top corner of the small room and I remember the streaks of lightning flashing across the sky and for a split second lighting up the room. Through the tears I watched my environment wearily, watching for any kind of movement. My heart was in my mouth as I witnessed the room contort to fit my imagination. Every single time the room lit up, I saw new objects. And every single time after that, they kept changing shape. First it was a tree monster. Then it became something that defies all explanation. Slowly, darkness and exhaustion overcame me as I lay there, huddled in a corner and cried myself to sleep. This routine soon became normal and carried on for many years, till one day I just became oblivious to everything around me. I could trust no one in this god forsaken hell hole and so I tried to change.

I was not always like that. I was once a bubbly child, ever so full of life. It didn’t matter what I did or even who I did it with, in my eyes I could do no wrong. Till it was when all hope was taken away. I was lost in a foreign country with nothing at all. Being the trusting little self that I was, I followed a young chap dressed smartly in a suit and briefcase promising to take care of me. Little did I know that was when my life would be turned upside down.

He took me to his mansion. It was a magnificent place with a huge garden. All the bushes were trimmed to shapes of animals and laced with gold ribbon. The sky above was so big and blue, not like where I was from. The smell of lavender lingered in the air and the flowers were in full bloom. The grass underneath was so soft and green and the faint trickling of water could be heard. I remember that there were no animals present in or even near the estate. No birds flew anywhere close and even insects were not present. However, I shrugged all this away, allowing myself to once again be captivated by the Victorian looking house and the scenery around me.

The inside of the house was as impressive as the outside. The marble floor clicked and clacked as we walked through the house and many different paintings hung on the wall. Most of them were dark and gloomy with pictures of lighthouses in the middle of a raging sea however, I ignored these too, still allowing my senses to be overwhelmed by the soft music of Mozart and Beethoven playing all round the house. Time flew by and soon, the stranger set off to cook in the kitchen, leaving me to watch Hi-5. Soon after, the mouthwatering smell of chicken and beef wafted from the kitchen and it was like the smell was a finger, enticing me and slowly but surely led me to a large wooden table. It was then the stranger introduced himself as Tom, and it was then I realized I actually never knew his name.

Back in the streets, people rushed around, self absorbed in their own world without noticing me. It was like an ocean, and I was just a small boy floating around, powerless to do anything. Then Tom cut through everyone and purposefully strode to me and offered me a hand. When life seemed bleak, he stretched out his hand and grabbed mine. The world seemed to stop and the clouds began to part. Little did I know, this was the beginning of my nightmare.

After dinner, he led me to my room. I stood there shocked. The room was as big as my old house. The bed was monstrously huge and it was so comfortable. As soon as Tom left me alone, I ran around the room, as free as a boy can get, playing with the different controls on the television in the room, freezing the frame and even going backwards, replaying the same scene again. However, at the end of the night, as I settled into bed, I again felt overwhelmed but this time by the amount of gadgetry in the house. However, with the stillness that comes with the darkness of the night, the house didn’t feel like a home. It felt empty and the silence was deafening. I remember thinking that night, how could a grown man live in such a huge house but not have anyone to share it with. it just felt like such an empty existence.

When I woke up, I was greeted with the same musty smell which I familiarized myself with over the next few years. It was forever dark in that place, no matter the weather outside. I never heard the birds chirp in the time I spent in that estate. In that estate, time stopped. However, time was accelerated as well. I grew out of my childlike intentions and learnt to be a man, being aggressive and hostile to Tom. He tortured me all through the night and for the first time in our short meeting, the small, friendly and mild mannered man became a monster of the night, his face contorted by the evil that dwelt in him and I never saw Tom again. In my mind, this monster that stood before me could never be Tom.

After many years of torture, I decided one day to escape. I summoned all the courage that was still left in me and stood up to him. I didn’t dare to before. I was afraid and broken, thinking about the punishment I would receive if he caught me trying to escape. That faithful day, as he came into the room with his rod, I hid behind the door. As he stepped through the door, I took the only thing that was available and stuck the toothbrush into his hamstring and caused him to fall over. The creature fell over and bellowed wildly, cursing and swearing as he rolled from side to side. The rod fell out of his hand and I instantly pounced on it. In a moment of blind rage, I beat the man senseless. With every stroke, he seemed smaller and I grew larger. Oppressed memories of the beatings flooded back to me and they fuelled my arms though they’ve already gone weak. Stroke after stroke I beat him till I finally stopped. There he lay, slain in his own pool of blood. He became Tom again but he looked different. He looked older, more tired but he once again had that kind face on. Then, terror struck. I ran as fast as I can, trying to rationalize this murder that I had committed. In my short time with society, I knew that murders were bad and bad people went to jail. No matter what, the bad guys always lose. In the end, they always get caught.

I ran up round the house, through the never ending corridors and finally I burst out the exit and out the oak doors. At last, I bathed in the warmth of the sunshine, the warmth which I had longed for and not felt on the skin for so long. In the sunlight, my skin looked so pale and sickly, with scars running up and down the length of my body. I paused outside those doors and looked out in the garden. Suddenly, the sky was blue again. Birds were chirping and flying around and once again, lavender was in the air. I ran out of the gates of the mansion. I stood outside the gates and took a good long look. This was the place where I lost myself. This was the place where I became a man. And I was glad I was no longer there.

Labels: dark, emo

...penned by joello at 2:18 AM
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